As a society, we like always want the best we can get. Yes, we also want things to be made simple, but at the top of the pecking order is awesomeness, which is what makes those all-inclusive holiday resorts so damn attractive. It doesn’t matter whether you are scanning through one of their glitzy brochures or scrolling down their sleek and fleek website; these resorts always look like they have cornered off their own little slice of paradise.
Food worthy of royalty, enough fine wine to satisfy Johnny Depp, panoramic views of endless blue oceans, all the pampering facilities you can shake your sore arms at and staff so happy you’re left pondering how they haven’t landed a life on stage. Yeah, these all-inclusive resorts have an array of bait that allows them to allure all sorts of holiday-making-fishies.
Unfortunately, though, these bits of bait tend to be invalid truths. The two photographs that keep featuring on their website are of their one and only Presidential Suite and their Honeymoon Suite, which can be yours for the cool price of $10,000 a night if you know who to butter up. As for the words on their website, well, they’ve probably paid an award-winning novelist to dip into their adjectives jar and start spewing anything that will get you clicking the buy button.
Of course, not every all-inclusive resort is like this. Some are genuinely amazing and offer impeccable deals for everyone (not just the high-rollers). We’re not so cynical that we don’t realize that. However, there are some that are going to be well below the standard you were expecting when you booked your holiday in the January sales.
It is with these in mind that we have made a list of things you should be wary of, and by that, we mean read the reviews on whichever trip advisor site you trust most.
All-Inclusive Is A Lie
It is one of the most infuriating realizations to have, and yet it happens so-so often. You finally arrive at your glorious resort, only to walk into the lobby and find out that the all-inclusive deal you signed up for isn’t all inclusive. In fact, it has some serious restrictions. Those spa treatments you couldn’t wait to enjoy will actually cost more, so will that jet ski hire, oh and the whole free drinks thing, that is limited to water and summer fruits squash, not tea or coffee or booze.
Big Time Utility Issues
“We have everything you could possibly want,” they said, before mumbling something you didn’t quite catch. Unfortunately, that thing they mumbled was, “except for the internet.” This may be fine if you don’t have Instagram, Facebook, elderly parents or any form of loved ones back home, but if you do then it could be a little bit terrible to find this out. This is the best scenario too. It’s way worse when they actually have WiFi but it is going to cost you $15 an hour and your eldest son. That’s just one of the utility issues too. Not having enough hot water is another one that needs checking before you commit to buying. Or power. Yes, power. As in electricity. A lot of countries don’t have enough it. That’s just how it is.
Absolutely Zero Good Mood Food
It is so very easy to make an all-you-can-eat buffet look good. All it takes is a nice setting, plenty of silver platters, some good-time music, friendly staff and a variety of food so wide and vast Elvis would have got excited. However, just because it looks good doesn’t mean it is sanitary, as you may find out in a quick phone call to your injury attorney, your bed pan filled with you don’t want to know what. Don’t be fooled by appearances. Just because the food looks good doesn’t mean the kitchen is passing any hygiene standards. We’re alluding to food being reheated three times, kitchens getting a bi-annual clean, maintenance being non-existent and their not being much in the way of a health inspection in that country. The worst thing is, you won’t want to think about this when you are there. You’ve paid for the food so you’d prefer to remain naive and eat it. That’s why you should always read reviews before you buy.
More Expensive Than A Standard Vay-Kay
This industry thrives off blind-belief. Seriously. They have carved out this image of themselves as being the best value and, dare we say, cheap. This see’s so many holidaymakers dive straight into a purchase without once checking to see if this factoid is true or not. You really should though, because a lot of the time your holiday could be cheaper if you just bought everything separately. Sorry, but it is true. People think they are getting a holiday on the fly because it is all-inclusive when they are in fact paying a high premium of having everything already sorted for them. We did a bit of digging and, while we won’t say the name of the resort (it was in the Dominican Republic), we can confirm that a standard all-inclusive double room being used by two people cost $639 a night. A standard double-room being used by two people that weren’t part of the all-inclusive package, however, cost just $165 a night. That’s a saving of $474 a day. That’s a lot of drinks, food, massages and water sports to be doing every day in order to make the all-inclusive deal the better option.
Like we said in our rather long and detailed introduction, not all of these resorts are created equally. Some are amazing, as in they will offer you the best vacation experience you have ever-ever been on. However, some of them could feature on a TV show entitled Holidays From Hell, which is partly because of what we have mentioned above and partly because we haven’t even scratched the surface of what you need to look out for. That is why you should always do your research. Read the reviews of previous customers. Compare the prices to make sure it is actually cheaper. Look at what the big problems are in the country you are going to. Anything and everything, really. Do that and you’re onto an absolute winner.